HMCS ALGONQUIN Chiefs and POs Mess Goes On Hunger Strike In Support of Idle No More Movement

As the Canadian public wrestles with the issue of aboriginal rights in
Canada, HMCS ALGONQUIN’s C&POs have decided to take a stand, voting
unanimously at their most recent mess meeting to commence an immediate
collective hunger strike in support of the Idle No More Movement, and
Athawapiskat Chief, Teresa Spence. Although none of the mess members
are of aboriginal descent, the Chiefs and POs are quick to draw
parallels between themselves and Spence as well intentioned leaders
wrestling with a lack of government funding in a community of 250.

“How are we supposed to get any work done around here without Bic
pens?” exclaimed Sonar Op PO2 Jerry Hancock. “In my 32 year career
we’re always asking for pens, and we’re always told that there’s not
enough money out there for more than one pen each. PER season is
coming, and I can’t correct PERs without pens!”

Hancock isn’t alone in his outrage. In recent years, increased fuel
prices, military resource allotment to troops in Afghanistan, and
growing ship compliments have forced the RCN to tactfully reduce its
spending throughout the fleet. Trimming the proverbial fat from asset
distribution has angered many, especially those who remember when the
Navy was better funded.

“Hell, I can remember taking as many blank CDs home as I wanted for my
kids back in the day” stated CPO2 Jack Hammersfield, ALGONQUIN’s
training Chief. “I even used to paint my shed shipside grey. Not
because I’m pusser at all, but because I could get all the free paint
I wanted from the Buffer”
When questioned about his salary and asked if it was adequate to cover
such expenses, CPO2 Hammersfield was quick to rebut: “I have two
alimony payments a month to make, a bar tab at the Tudor House to pay
off, and gas for my Harley ain’t free. I’m tapped to the max. I’d love
to get a new pair of white New Balance shoes, but I can’t afford
them.”

New Balance shoes are popular amongst senior NCM's for their unparalleled comfort

New Balance shoes are popular amongst senior NCM’s for their unparalleled comfort

C&POs remain unified in their commitment to continue the hunger strike
until their demands are met; demands that include the reinstatement of
Friday sliders and a face to face meeting with Defence Minister Peter
Mackay. However, ALGONQUINs officers appear to have little concern for
the possible health effects of the hunger strike, or the legitimacy of
the protest. “It’s not a hunger strike. Well, not a real hunger
strike” said Lt(N) Gordy Limbalski, one of ALGONQUIN’s bridge watch
keepers. “They’re on a liquid diet down there and putting back
milkshakes like it’s cool. For Christ’s sake, the other day I stuck my
head in the mess and saw one of those idiots sucking the cream cheese
out of a jalapeno popper with a straw!”

The junior ranks mess onboard ALGONQUIN expressed a similar attitude.
“Well, you’ve got to be quick to get a bowl of soup at standeasy each
morning before the Chuffs and Puffs get to the line” said LS Derrick
Harold “The upside is that they’re leaving the crackers alone which
makes life for us over here in the JRs a little bit better”

The insides of Jalapeno Poppers are delicious
When questioned about his position on the hunger strike, the ship’s
physician, WO Doug Andrews, pointed out how delicate his position was:

To be honest, I feel the cutbacks as much as anyone. I’ve had to
resort to issuing the free condoms only to the better looking female
sailors onboard. But on the other hand, I’m seriously concerned for

some of these guys’ health. Some of them are actually gaining way too
much weight!

Although both the Department of National Defence and the Idle No More
movement were unavailable for comment, an anonymous First Nation
source has indicated that the Algonquin First Nation of Canada is
holding meetings next week to consider the legality of making a land
claim against the destroyer itself, citing its namesake as grounds for
ownership.

About these ads


Categories: NEWS

4 replies

  1. Fuck ‘em. Faith No More was a crap band.

  2. how come they the CO1 andPO2 didn’t go for tots as well

  3. I needed Kleenex I laughed so hard.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 66 other followers

%d bloggers like this: